It makes me feel good...

I have often wondered why I spend so much time blogging. I think I blog alot and about various different topics. I realized that I blog because it makes me feel good. I like to clear my mind and blogging allows me to do just that.

In about 24 hours, I will be on vacation. I am so looking forward to a little get away from it all. I want to feel the fresh air in my hair and feel the sun on my pasty white skin. I want to get some color and relax.

Mother's day is approaching. I am happy to celebrate with my mom. But I am sad. I am sad that another mother's day is coming up again and once again I am not a mom. And I think that it will be safe to say that I won't be a mom (or pregnant for that matter) by this mother's day thanks to that ever so wonderful UTI I got this cycle. Of course I have to laugh when I even think about it since I could probably have sex with a room full of men for months on end still not end up pregnant. Yeah, I know...sounds sick! Believe me when I say I have no intention of finding out if there is any truth the the above statement but I was trying to make a point. I mean seriously, Scott and I have had alot of sex in the years we have been trying. We did hotel sex, vacation sex, drunk sex and make up sex; I have tried relaxing, not relaxing, crying, laughing, putting my butt up in the air, and a whole lotta stuff that I will not share with you. (Yes, even on a blog, TMI exists!) We did drugs (the legal, fertility type), no drugs , herbs (again, the legal fertility type), acupuncture, massage and way more that I can't even think of right now. So really, I am not concerned that not having sex this cycle could have blown my "big" chance. But that doesn't make me any less sad that I am still not a mom. It doesn't make the apprehension (anxiety) go away. Yes, mother's day is coming up and I have to accept that another mother's day will pass without my being able to celebrate my being a mother. OMG! Fate bites the big one too! AF is once again supposed to show up on mother's day. Its like a giant Fuck you from Fate...Karma...or whomever it is that dishes out fertility to some women and a GIANT FUCK YOU to women like me! And the icing on the cake? I will celebrate mother's day with my mother and AF! Wonderful!

Ok, this vacation to Mexico is coming at the right time. I can totally justify getting plastered. Afterall, I wouldn't want to get plastered if there was any chance what so ever that I am pregnant. I used to say things like that statement in the past and then say "wouldn't in be funny if I was" or "watch, this is the cycle I end up knocked up." I know that it could happen (in theory) and I would be totally be worried/ nervous/ anxious about the outcome but would be happy too. I have given that up and right now I am just looking foward to vacation, vacation sex, getting plastered and yes...drunk sex.