Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Random thoughts and groans

1. Sharks are out of the run for the Stanley cup. Shit!
2. Shit! I can't believe they are out of the run for the Stanley cup.
3. Why does the machine for the muscle on the sides of my legs give me a butt cramp every time I use it?
4. I hate, with the heat of a 1000 suns doing bicycle sit ups in the morning.
5. Why am I so damn thirsty these days.
6. Washing my hands 100 times a day makes them very dry.
7. I am about to fork over my life savings for a procedure that has about a 35 to 45% success rate.
8. Fuck, #7 makes me want cry.
9. Lupron can turn me into a bitch and people still leave finger prints everywhere.
10. My head will have to come off my shoulders and rotate 360 degrees before people get that I hate fingerprints.
11. Yes, my children will wear gloves all the days of their lives...or until they live on their own.
12. Totally kidding about #11...and to a certain extent #10.
13. Some people would think its cool and maybe even be jealous if my head came off my shoulders and rotated 360 degrees.
14. Head on a swivel...very important in hockey.
15. Sharks need to learn all about #14.
16. For the love of pete sakes Sharks...you were the #1 team all season. WTF?!?!
17. I would have cried happy tears if we won the series so I am not changing the name of my blog.
18. OMG...could my blog title really have jinxed the Sharks?
19. I am very behind in my blog commenting...will get back on that ASAP!
20. I want a pair of black ankle boots...but have no clue where to find a pair this time of year. :(

Friday, April 24, 2009

Do you have kids?

I never realized how much I hated that question until last night. We were at a get together to watch the hockey game. I held a small glass in my hand...a margarita. I nursed it over a few hours and put melted ice in my cup a few times to water it down. I don't feel bad nursing a single drink though. But I knew that if I did not drink, those who knew we are ttc would ask questions. Sometime during the get together a new face asked me that loaded question. I was honest of course and said no but I wanted to explain that I don't have kids yet but I am trying. It really depends on the situation (and sometimes the person) but sometimes I do explain that I am infertile and trying to have a baby by using IVF.

Tomorrow is the start of National Infertility Awareness Week. I have been way more open with my infertility and have tried to dispel certain beliefs about infertility and ART. But I am only one person. Spread the word!

Serious Fish Stick Issues

I am thisclose to crying over my beloved San Jose Sharks. Step up hockey players and get your butts in gear. Don't lose it in the first round to an 8th seed team. :(

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Here it is...


The obligatory drug shot. I did do a pre-IVF belly shot but since I was getting ready for work, I was only wearing my bathrobe. Yeah...not a picture that should be online. LOL! You can't really tell from the picture, but OMG! You are given a ton of syringes for IVF. Yikes! Tonight, I will take my last bcp. I wanted to type that tonight I will take my last bcp ever, but lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was so anti-IVF. Not in terms of other people doing IVF but it wasn't for me. I just did not want a doctor playing God for me. But the day that I was told that I have less then 1% chance on conceiving on my own did it for me. No amount of relaxing, drunk sex, vacation sex, make up sex or putting my butt in the air was going to get me pregnant. I am kicking myself for not taking this step any sooner.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Can't win for losing...

Today, I posted a "house rules" white board. The rules were simple; things such as pee in the toilet not all over the place, no wine glasses in the sink, wipe the stove after you use it, no tools on the counter. You know, the basic clean up after yourself type things. I spent all day cleaning bathrooms and pee off the floor, wiping kitchen counters, cleaning the stainless steel and what not. Needless to say, by the time I really got to sit down, I was tired and sore from my workout yesterday.

I was recently met with the news that our guests* are depressed by my house rules. These rules were aimed at the house and ALL the people living in it. Now, I am not perfect but I will bet my last dollar that it is not me peeing on the floor. But, I digress. This news just got me irritated to say the least. All I am asking for is some common courtesy.

I should add that I am a semi-neat freak. Mess truly stresses me out. I hate having a messy house. And, as we (and by we, I mean IVF'ers) all know, stress and IVF don't mix. IVF is already physically and emotionally stressful. I feel justified in asking my household in helping me lower my stress. I even made a note of this on my house rules board.

So, after thinking about it, I realize that I should give up. If I ask for help, I am given this look like I just asked someone to scrub the toilet with their toothbrush. If I ask for simple tasks like, please put the toilet seat down (another house rule), I am a nag. If I make a list, I make people depressed. I should mention that I RRRREEEEAAAALLLYYY hate the look I get when I ask for help beyond opening a jar or reaching something down for me. I can't win for losing.

*I am not sure how to refer to out house guests since they are more then guests. I view them as members of the house. I have complained to Scott about this before (the whole I wish the guests would help clean up) and he has explained that I should just say something. I have asked but I get met with that look. It's like I just kicked their injured cat or something look. Man, I really hate that look.

Edited: Now everyone is tip-toeing around me. Heaven forbid the moody girl might come up with some more devastating house rules like wipe your feet before you come into the house. GMAB! I still think that I should NOT have had to hold every ones hand and explain my point of view. I feel as if my explaining that all I am asking is to use a little common sense and clean up after your self is insulting to the household members and a big waste of my time. This list was really basic and the only person who took it like a champ (and even got a laugh out of it) was DSS. Even the 14 year old kid understood what I was asking for. I guess ultimately, I will have to apologize for dare suggesting we put some rules in place to keep the house a little but cleaner. :(

A whole new world of IVF

First of all, my apologies for not blogging; but, tis the tax season.

I am finally (one of the few times I can use that word) starting my IVF. Between February and April 16th, we have given blood, had consultations, a few RHA (lupron challanges), a SHG, an S/A and an injects class. Now, I say "We" since Scott and I have been side by side every single appointment.

A funny conversation occurred during my SHG between Scott, Dr. S and myself. I took a pain pill re-SHG due to the extreme pain my HSG caused me. I had my iPod loaded with Bob Marley tunes to keep me relaxed. Dr. S came into the room and remarked on my iPod. Let me explain that I only had one ear piece in and had the volume very low so I could hear the doctor talk to me. I didn't want to be rude but need Bob singing to me too. Anyways, Dr. S commented and I explained that I was listening to Bob to keep me calm. Dr. S remarked that his household listens to lots of reggae too. Scott and I laughed and I joked that it must be fate that I choose this clinic.

So, my calender has me taking BCP's (which BTW is killing my sex drive) until 4/23/09. I am also giving myself 2 lupron shots a day. That's all for now. Coming soon: AF and baseline ultrasound.

Oh yeah, did I mention we will also be doing a partial ICSI? That means more drugs for me. I did get my obligatory drug shots and a "pre-ivf" belly shot. I will post those soon.

Ah, the fun times!