Saturday, November 27, 2010

Almost 29 week Belly Shot

I had Scott take this photo just a few days before Thanksgiving and the 29 week mark. I think I look smaller then the 25 week belly shot. :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

25 Week Belly Shot

A little old but it's one of my favorites. I will hopefully post a Thanksgiving belly shot soon. This Thanksgiving, I am so very thankful for my little man growing inside me. Kick away baby boy, grow healthy and strong!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Hello 3rd Trimester

Where has time gone? I can remember being a child thinking that this holiday or that event was so far away. But now as an adult? It seems like time is flying. I can't believe that I am 2/3 through this pregnancy already. I must admit that my pregnancy has be fairly easy*.

My first trimester seemed to go by slowly, yet oddly quickly too. I wanted the first trimester to pass me by so I can tell people the goods news. I wanted it to fly by because I knew making through the first trimester meant I had a greater chance to making to the end with a live baby.

Then came the second trimester. The beginning of the second trimester was a little hard. The pregnancy symptoms almost went away but I had to wait for baby movements. I purchased a Doppler to listen to munchkins heart beat to keep my sanity. Then, somewhere around 17 weeks came those blessed little flutters that all mommies can't wait to feel. I was hooked! Even those sudden movements that feel like you are on the descent of a fast roller coaster and your tummy just fell are welcome.

As my belly grew and my son moved inside me, I made it to 24 weeks** more importantly viability.

5 weeks later (ok, I am shy by a day) and I am now in my 7th month of pregnancy and have already spent 2 weeks in my third trimester.

Summer passed us by which is funny because we really did not have that warm of a summer then fall showed up. We had some nice warm days but now as winter approaches (according to Dr. Google) and the year is coming to an end it seems like the year just passed us by at break neck speed.

So, hello 3rd trimester. Let's continue with the easy pregnancy. Let's agree to no preterm labor scares and keep discomfort at a minimum. Baby boy can bake as long as he wants as this Momma is enjoying life with him inside me.

*I loathe to mention the kidney stone that sent to me the ER and L&D a few weeks back. The pain so indescribable. The ER and L&D visit, while not pleasant wasn't too bad either. The morphine hangover sucked big hairy monkey balls.

**I know many doctors and NICU's are now saving babies born at 23 weeks. I am not sure on the statistics of survival but traditionally, 24 weeks in considered viability.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Holy smokes!!

Check out my ticker on top: double digits until my due date. When did that happen?! Where is time going? I guess all the nesting is proof that before I know it, there will be a big arrival in my house!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Viability and some guilt

First of all: Viability!! Hitting 24 weeks and feeling my son dance around inside me is such an awesome feeling. I love my son and can't wait to meet him. I am glad to know that should something happen and my baby needs to be born now, he has a 50% of survival. As much as I want to meet my baby, however, I do want him to keep cooking. I reassure him that his being in my belly is easy for me and I love feeling him inside me.

I have guilt about my lack of note taking for this pregnancy. I can't even remember really when I felt munchkin's first movements. I haven't been taking belly shots like I always assumed I would. But I am completely savoring this pregnancy. I just feel like living in the now and just enjoy my pregnancy.

Munchkin is doing great! He rolls around and kicks all the time. He does have his quite times and seems to be very predictable. My weight gain is right on track, despite the fact that I look "huge." I had a client go on and on about my weight gain and how huge I am getting and how I am ruining myself and "really should watch my weight" and "control myself." I really wanted to kick him or shove his head up his butt but restrained myself. Even when he said I looked like I "am about to pop," I kept my cool. However, I was mad. I get so tired of people commenting about on huge I look. Um, yeah. Hello, I am six months pregnant and I am healthy. I have always been curvy and had said over and over that I just don't have a waist. I am not going to get taller so the only way for my belly to go is out.

But, all the remarks can make a hormonal gal, already insecure, carrying body image issues freak out. I find myself saying, I don't need a snack, even if my belly is growling. I am limiting my intake and drinking extra water to fill my tummy and then feel bad that Munchkin isn't getting what he needs. I eat carrots and oranges a lot since I figure they are healthy snacks.

My oldest nephew is planning on coming home in time for birth. He is so excited and I feel so blessed that Munchkin will have his older cousins. :)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

20 Week Belly Shot from Mexico

Catching up

I don't know why but I have wanted to blog for a while now and have even started a few posts but can't seem to put together a decent post. So, I am doing this in bullets in hopes that I can get everything out.

  • *First I will start with the big news! My gender and anatomy ultrasound revealed we are expecting a BOY!! I am so excited. I really felt from day one that I was pregnant with a boy and up until the day before the big ultrasound did not doubt that my little munchkin was going to be a boy. The night before the however, I was filled with self doubt and wondered if I was wrong about munchkins gender, did that mean I was doomed with bad instincts and therefore doomed to be a bad mommy?!

  • *Right after the big ultrasound*, we packed our bags and went to see Anthony Bourdain of the travel TV show, "No Reservations." The show is a great show and not one of those shows that show you all the luxury spots to travel and the finest places to eat. He talked a little about his travels and his family. After, he did a Q & A before autographing books for the people who bought VIP tickets. I am so glad I spent the extra money on VIP tickets. Seeing him up close and actually getting to shake his hand made him seem more like a normal guy and not some John Doe from some TV show.

  • *Right after seeing Anthony Bourdain**, we unpacked and repacked and off to Mexico we went. We stayed in a beautiful timeshare in Nuevo Vallarta. The view from our room was simply breath-taking. We spent time listening to timeshare sales people, swam a bit, visited a few towns, got massages, saw a show called "Rhythms of the Night" and ate way to much. Then out of the blue, I hit with Montezuma revenge. I missed a day snorkeling but was happy to bounce back quickly. We also did a city tour, visited a tequila plant and shopped some. Whew! I need a vacation just to recover from my vacation.

  • *I am still refreshing once a week at school. I am getting set to start my externship with my mid-wife and hope I can get my sticks done next year.

  • *I can't believe I am just past the halfway mark in the pregnancy!

  • *I feel so blessed to have my three nephews. I know they will be awesome cousins to my little boy and will love him so much.

  • *What happened to 2010? I mean, this year seems to be flying by and the holidays are right around the corner.

  • *Despite the fact that I halfway through my pregnancy, it seems to be going so slow. I am anxiously awaiting for 24 weeks (and viability) and am seriously going crazy waiting to meet my son.

  • *I love to say "my son." I think about him all the time now and already love him so very much.

  • *Prenatal yoga has been great for me. I wish that I would have been able to start sooner but I am glad to be taking classes now.

  • *Sleeping hurts. I mean, it really hurts. My hips and knees repeatedly ache and stiffen throughout the night and I completely miss sleeping on my back.

  • *I am getting tired of people remarking on my belly size. Guess what?! I am attached to it! I see it everyday, multiple times a day. I know just how pregnant I am and more importantly, just how many babies I am having (still just 1). Don't tell me I look like I am going to pop any day now or that my son must be huge (which to me implies fat). Yes, it's true that I have only 10 pounds and I am watching my diet not for weight gain but for my overall health. Yes, I know that I am huge. I am not in denial. I am 5 months pregnant. I don't comment on your fat a$$ or large belly or ugly face so stop with the rude remarks on my "huge" bump.

  • *Don't touch my belly. There is one person who can touch my belly without any question and that is my baby daddy. Of course, he can touch me whenever and where ever but he is obviously the exception to the rule. That's why he is my baby daddy.

  • *No I am not married, not sure that I will ever be married so stop asking me about matters that are way to personal and frankly none of your business.

  • *Yes, I still considered myself infertile. Yes, I still worry about this pregnancy. That is what happens when it takes you nearly five (you read that 5) years to conceive.

  • *When you ask how I am feeling and I say "ok," please don't ask me to elaborate. I hate explaining that while I love my son and being pregnant with him, sometimes the heartburn and difficultly sleeping means I am usually tired, achy or suffering from heartburn when I answer that question. Don't lecture me on how I "asked for it" or how much worse/harder it will get. Don't tell me to enjoy now because once my son is born, my life will completely change. I get it. I know my life will change but that does not make me want my son any less or love him any less.

  • *Please stop shooting looks of pity and sympathy in Scott's direction right in front of my face. I think he gets it too. Besides, we are both adults and knew what could have happened all those years we weren't preventing.

  • *Ok sorry but those last like 6 or 7 bullet points were more like rants. I really am trying not to complaining but I think people need to understand that no matter how much I want my son, it is not always puppy dogs and rainbows.

I think I did all my catching up! Whew!

*Not right after but a few days after...

**Ok , again, not right after but a within 24 hours. Can we say whirlwind weekend?!

Coming next?! My latest belly shot!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

2 posts in one day

I decided to post this separately for a reason.

"It was such a surprise pregnancy."
"I just 'fell' pregnant."
"We weren't even trying really..."
"We just stopped trying and then bam!"

I hate these phrases. As an infertile woman, these phrases irritate me to no end, especially when they are coming from a person who has no known fertility issues ("oh, we tried for 9 whole months and I never thought I would end up pregnant!") . These phrases ignite in me with the heat of a thousand suns an anger that I can't deal with on a rational level.

But, these phrases apply to me. What?!?! How can that be? I was told I had less then 1% chance of conceiving in any given month without the help of fertility treatments. I was advised to have my right ovary removed due to its complete inability to produce any eggs. My right fallopian tube is twisted and contorted and has pulled my right ovary so far underneath it that even if it did manage to produce a decent egg it would never make it to the tube. Yet someway, somehow I managed to pop one good egg from my right ovary, it made its way someway, somehow to fertilization and implanted. And now that embie is growing inside me and I am just in awe.

So those hated phrases that apply to me? I hope that if I ever use them, I don't become one of those types to use it. I hope to never offend a fellow IF'er if one of those phrases should ever escape my mouth.

Hello 2nd trimester!

Okay, I am a few days late but so very relieved to say hello to the second trimester. Midwife appointment yesterday was great. Still some confusion on my weight ( 3 scales, 3 different weights) but all in all I think its safe to say that I have gained about 3 lbs. (Of course, I have to remind myself that I had a good 10 lbs to much on me to begin with...) Uterus was measuring a little ahead but nothing to worry about. If the trend continues and baby grows along with the ute then my due date may change but for now, I am not even thinking about that.

Baby's heartrate was 148 BPM. Hearing that heartbeat was so awesome. I really need those little reassurances that munchkin is doing ok in there. After all, I can't just ask munchkin these days if heesh is okay.

The even better news is that I am almost done with school! This is just awesome. I talked to my midwife about the possibility of externing with her so I can at least get my 120 hours of M.A. out of the way. I still can't do my sticks until I get immunized. The head of the program went out of her way to point out how selfish it would be for me to skip my shots and work and expose baby to measles or mumps. (Or even worse, Hep. B!!) I agree but I also want to get my sticks done so I can began searching for a job.

I am in major nesting mode right now. I have made a list of essentials that need to be purchased. The clutter is my house is making me insane and I just want to get things cleared out so I can organizer what needs to be organized and trash what can be trashed. I have a "to-do" list of things I want to see done before the end of the year so that I can focus on my last month of work and getting baby gear set up for the grand arrival. It appears no one seems to get my urgency or understand how frustrating it is to see the same clutter in my house day after day. I want it last week. I keep saying once I am done with school that I am going to focus on getting my scrap booking stuff, school books and my closet organized. I need this to be done so I can feel a little bit accomplished.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

NT Scan and coming out

I had my NT scan and 1st tri blood work last week. Baby was kicking away during the scan and even turned to face the "camera" too. Nuchal fold was measuring at 1.6MM and looked great. We got to the lobes of heesh's brain, a very beautiful heart beat, kicking legs, spine, belly and nasal bone. :) We also got to finally hear baby's heartbeat. Wow! That to me was just amazing. :) :)

I am starting to come out to people. Actually, my belly did not give me much of a choice. Every time I think I did a good job at hiding it, I look down and realize that nope...I really didn't. Ah well, I suppose its time. I am starting to feel better but my joints are killing me. Typing, writing, knee bending are just painful! I know that there is not a lot I can do to avoid the pain so I pretty much put up and shut up.

Only 8 more days of school left!! I am so excited. I miss coming home after work and enjoying dinner. Heck, I miss eating a meal that is not a roach coach meal. I miss actually watching a movie every now and then.

Stay tuned for the next belly shot. Not sure when I will take one. I was going to try to do it every week but that is just too much work.

Monday, July 19, 2010

A little bit about it

Wow! I can't believe how fast and how slow time seems to be moving. I am taking my pregnancy in baby steps. I made it past 5 weeks...check! I made to my first ultrasound and saw a beautiful heartbeat...check! I made to my 9 week appointment and got a sneak peak at munchkin. (and again saw that beautiful heartbeat)...check! My next step: making it to my NT scan.

I realized that I cannot refer to this baby as fish stick. stick is my angel in heaven. This baby is very much here with me right now. I keep call heesh* my little munchkin.

Symptom wise, I feel OK. My arthritis is bugging me more then usual, I am still rather tired but all is well. I get waves of gagging and nausea every now and then and my girls hurt like a mo-fo, especially when the shower water hits them. But really, that is not alot in the grand scheme of things.

I haven't really come out of the pregnancy closet yet. I keep saying after the NT scan we can. I am really enjoying this "secret" thought and don't want to start telling people, only to be bombarded with a$$vise and unwanted opinions. Surely, I can't be the only pregnant women to feel that way?! More than anything however, I hate hearing how surely since I relaxed, finally, I am now pregnant. Um...yeah no. It so doesn't work that way. That is such an insult to me that I want to donkey punch** people who say that nonsense.

I am also in complete protect mode. Like, I will rip your head off if you Mr. Stranger come just one itty bitty inch closer to me.

I have to admit, I feel a little lonely too. I mean, I don't have many IRL friends. The IRL friends I do have are either much older (being they were Scott's friends first) and done with the baby-making, baby raising deal or my "old" (think, pre-Scott) friends who are not now nor ever having kids or even considering it. I am thinking that soon, I will have to join a mom's group. I would love to meet ladies who fit our (Scott and I) demographic. Couple met "later" in life, big age difference between the two partners, one had kids and one is just starting out in the having babies department. I figure that I should not hold my breath but do know We as a couple are going to need friends with babies or about to have a baby much sooner than later.

I should add that I am not really that close to family. I can handle them in small spurts but that's about it. I wish my mother would stop asking me baby related questions and just ask about me for a change. This is only compounding my loneliness.

Aside from feeling lonely, I can't relax. I am so afraid something will go wrong. I keep telling my baby how much mommy loves heesh. I remind myself this happened all by itself with no medical intervention what-so-ever. I am pregnant for a reason and all things happen for a reason, even if we don't know why.

Toss in some survivors guilt and I am a mess. I hate that I still have online friends who are still trying. I hesitate to post messages on my usual message boards for fear that they will hurt. I don't want these ladies to continue to hurt.

*Heesh = He + She. A great way of referring to baby before you know the sex or the entire pregnancy if you choose not to find out the sex. Sounds so much better then he or she.

**Donkey punch: completely offensive, and no I won't explain it here if you have never hear of it. Yes, I too wonder why I know the meaning. But with my moods these day, it is a great threat and I love to use it.

One a final note, hippies, earth lovers, whatever you want to call them are killing me. If I hear one more person tell me that I should grasp my inner goddess or be like mother earth now that I am pregnant, yep...and donkey punch threat wants to come out. I have no inner goddess, have no intention of aligning my yin and yang (I am certain I did not come with those anyways) and absolutely don't see myself as beautiful right now. The only being inside me is my munchkin, the only thing I want aligned is my back and beauty is truly a light switch away. I mean no offense to those who believe in these things but *I* personally keep my feet on the ground, my belief in my god and my ability to make a baby in perspective.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

9W5D Belly shot

I was getting ready for bed when Scott took this picture...I look as tired as I was that night. Ah well, maybe the next one I will look more rested.

Monday, June 14, 2010

April 2010

That was the last time I got a visit from Aunt Flo. I had myself convienced that I was menopausal. Afterall, what else could it be?! I know that I ovulated, or at least I was sure I did since I had my usually post-o signs. I figured it was time to POAS and was very, very surprised when within a few seconds I got "pregnant" on the digital pee-test screen.

Now, I don't have a history of getting and staying pregnant. I am scared as can be but taking it day by day. I love (ok, not love like lets get married I love you so much) the morning sickness that lasts all day. I love not being able to eat more then 5 bits of a meal before I feel full. The exhaustion and headaches? Bring it on!! I will take it all if it means I get a healthy baby come Feburary 2011.

Those on FB, keep in on the low since I have made the decision to not tell people beyond Scott, my mom and my classmates (oh yeah and LP friends) until I am "in the clear." I am thinking right after the first trimester, I will come out to the world.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This will be a post that I right over several least I think.

The big day is approaching...the day that my ticker will change to one year. So not cool. I secretly think that...uh, thought that I was a mom by now. Ok, that wasn't really a secret.

I keep having this nightmare. I am in labor and I am 19 weeks along and I know my baby will die. No one believes me when I say that we have to do something. Everyone around me (including Scott) acts like they have something better to do. I try to put my baby back inside me and cross my legs but it doesn't work.

Since discovering my food allergies...and avoiding those foods, I have noticed this constant rash on my skin is slowly starting to go away. :) Sweet!

On the school front, well...its just there. I mean, I like what I am learning but the days aren't getting any shorter. Everyday I am just beat when I get home. Most nights I fall asleep right when my head hits the pillow so the nights that the ol' insomnia kicks in suck. I am also having such a hard time getting out of bed each morning which sucks big hairy monkey balls. I need, badly, to get back to the gym. My whole body just hurts from the complete lack of activity and my diet is just horrendous right now. Throw in some PMS and a sweet craving and my waist line is not happy.

I find myself being more open with infertility then ever. If asked, I explain why I can't have kids. When I get the usual "ass-vice" I shoot them down and let the "ass-vice" giver know why their "ass-vice" is wrong and why what they say hurts me. For example, I get a lot of "maybe you are just stressed out." My response is usually, "no, infertility is stressful but I am no more stressed out the the average jane doe. As a matter of fact, I am less stressed until people say to me that I am too stressed out." It takes people back but I feel like ignorance is just no excuse for one to be a dumb ass. My other favorite is "just relax, it will happen." This usually gets me beyond mad and my usual response is, "I can relax until I fall into a coma but with my bed eggs and massive scar tissue it is just not going to help." The bad eggs part usually makes people ask, "but how do you know they are?" I love this one! "My FSH is well over 7 and my E2 is usually over 50. When we did IVF, my embryos did not multiply properly, which is another sign of bad eggs. Of course, my antral follicle count is practically non-existent." The moron on the other end usually gets the "OMG, my head is about to explode" look on their face and then stammers something like, "well, you never know." Nice...

Ok, I was wrong! I was able to type up this entire blog post during my computer lab aka facebook time. The goal of computer lab is to make sure all students can type 35 wpm by the time they leave here. I think my classmates can but we are still required to be here. Blah!

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I have a fear of putting food into my mouth. I have a fear of not taking allergy meds. I have a fear of hives. This blows!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The one where I wonder what I can eat

Since going back to school, I haven't been able to eat many home cooked meals. In an effort to eat healthy and save money, I have been buying pre-washed and pre-packaged veggies such as carrots, broccoli and tomatoes. I have been buying frozen edamame and pre-packaged cheese sticks. I have also been buying apples and applesauce and almonds. Well, after eating this diet for a few months, I started getting hives. I blamed it (the hives) on gluten, on corn, on potatoes and anxiety. I assumed that I was eating healthy and treating my body better then if I was eating fast foods.

Well, guess what?! After getting hives for months on end, I couldn't take it anymore. Off to the allergy doctor I go and under went allergy testing. 2 hours, scratch tests and double checking later and I have an allergy doctors assessment on potential causes of hives. Ready for it?! I am allergic to Almonds, Apples, Broccoli, Dairy, and String Beans. I am also Lactose, Soy and Wheat intolerant. Are you serious?! Let's not forget the cow dander that I am allergic too. (It actually amazes me there is a test for that!)

So, now I am navigating through the world of food allergies and finding out how hard it is to eat. I am reading food labels and trying to plan healthy meals. This sucks! Do you know how hard it is to eat when you can't have dairy or soy or wheat?! I love broccoli and apples and almonds.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

That day is approaching

First of all, I want to smack my head on the wall for completely not participating in the IF blog about it week. I just could not bring myself to do it. (Side note: I can't even find the link on Stirrup Queens blog now!) I feel like talking about *my* infertility is like picking at a scab. It hurts, it bleeds and I know it is going to leave a scar and I don't like it one bit. But I need to also be honest. I am not sure that I will ever "get over it." I still cringe and cry inside when I hear fertile people baby announcements. I mentally puke in my mouth when I see or hear about teen moms. I avert my eyes to pregnant bellies. I am not sure that will ever change. Some days, I want to scream about how unfair it all is and why me oh God, why me!?! For me to actually participate would actually require that I look my infertility and failed cycles in the eye and face it head on. It seemed easier to bury my head in the sand; to close my eyes and say "I can't see you," nah nah nah! In denial much? Eh, maybe but more likely I feel a deep seeded need to protect myself, however selfish that sounds, from any more pain and frustration. Some days, I simply can't take it. The grief overwhelms me, chokes me and leaves me so down that I don't know if I can ever get up again. Reading about people who are getting to cycle turns me green with such jealously that I don't even recognize myself. Bitter much? Hell yeah. There is nothing I can do but "deal with it" and my way of dealing with it is to bury my head so deep in the sand that my God, I think my head is permanently suck there.

Back to the title at hand. Mother's day...the dreaded day for infertiles. Mother's day sucks but honestly, its not that bad. I mean, sure, it sucks big time that I am not and probably will never be a mom. But, there are no moms in my house. I don't go out and spend the day doing things (usually) so I can sit home and avoid mother's. I don't have some mother living in my house rubbing it in that she is a mom and I am not. Father's day on the other hand is so hard for me that I am not even a little bit looking forward to that day. But that is a blog post for another day. Mother's day is approaching and once again, I sit back and think about the "what-if's" and the "shoulda-coulda-woulda's." This year, I think mother's day will be a little bit hard because for a brief moment in time, I was a mommy. Now, I am just a mommy to an angel. No one ever acknowledges the miscarried angels or the angel mommies. Most people out there would say something along the lines of "that doesn't even count." Bastards! This year, I will sit and wonder about my little fishstick, who should be 2 months old now...not gone for 11 months and counting. And that just farking sucks!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

National Infertility Awareness Week

April 24 - May 1st is National Infertility Awareness Week. As you play with your kids today, or tuck them into bed tonight, please take a minute to empathize with the millions of couples out there struggling to achieve what you have.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I confess

I confess that sometimes I open my blog just to see my ticker box.

I confess that sometimes I think about what should have been. Would my baby look like me? Would my baby be a cuddle bug?

I confess that sometimes I get pangs of jealously when I hear about other people's pregnancies or birth announcements.

I confess that some women who have children of their own make me want to kick them in the teeth when I hear just how horrible they are at mothering.

I confess that I sometimes am so very happy I never had kids of my own and I can pack up and go to Vegas without worrying about having to find a sitter.

I confess that all the conflicting emotions cause gas.

I confess that last sentence was TMI.

I confess that I want a new tattoo.

I confess that I secretly fantasize about never having to work ever again.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Hand Draws, Syringes and Big Girl Panties

Just a drive by post to pat myself on the back for wearing my big girl panties this week, while home alone. :P

I did my first hand draw this week. I was somewhat nervous but did just fine. The guy who "forced me"* to draw him claimed it was painless and our new instructor said I did great.

I also did my first syringe draw this week. I have been drawn once or twice with a syringe but got to try it out. It hurts a little more as they needles are quite sharp but really effective for veins that collapse.

I can't believe how much I have learned. I have got to run ESR's and learned uses for different tubes.

This past week, our new instructor let me do a butterfly** on him and I was finally successful! I have missed even the biggest, juiciest veins with the butterfly's but can seem to hit them with a straight stick every time.

*Fellow student didn't really force me but made me very aware that I need to get my hand draws in while I can. He claimed he owed me for doing his taxes.

**The butterfly method of drawing is also called the lazy man's method. It is supposed to be easier but for whatever reason, I just can't seem to get the hang of it.

I need to add that I am so proud of my 4.0 too!

I just got off the phone with a client. He wanted to know if the cost of IVF was deductible. I talked to him about it some and found out we used the same clinic. It is a small world after all!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

All of a sudden, I feel my age

Lately, after I have been sitting for some time (5 minutes to 1 hour, makes no difference), my left knee hurts. It hurts to put pressure on it, hurts to bend it, and hurts to straighten it. After a few hobbling steps, I can walk without a limp and only minor pain. Surely this is a sign that arthritis has invaded this knee. :(

After wearing heels for a day at work (read: sitting at a desk) my feet hurt! I mean seriously, they are in major pain. I feel like I still have my heels on. Granted, I wasn't wearing my most comfortable heels yesterday but they aren't too bad.

My back...oh my aching back. Accountants seem to get the "accountants hump." It is what happens When you sit in front of a computer all day with your neck pushed forward, leaving your upper back and in between your shoulder blades is pain. Add in sleeping all twisted up and you get extra sore.

I don't sleep well when I am stressed out and the more tired I am, the more stressed I am. It's a viscous circle, I tell ya.

Put stressed plus achy knee plus sore feet plus screaming back pain plus sheer exhaustion together and what do you get? A person who feels their age!

Ok, that is my whine for the day.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

It's only been 100 years or so!

Life has been busy...and hectic!

Tax season is again in full swing and I am going to school full time. Needless to say, I am tired. But I am also at a point where I hate my job. I hate the stress, the constant phone calls, the "I want it now!" attitude from clients and the complete lack of satisfaction I get from doing this job. In a nutshell: I am burnt out!

School is great. We start drawing blood from each other right from the start. I have about 1 stick a day which is a good start. I have missed a few veins here and there but need to remind myself it will happen in the real world too. There are many different methods of drawing blood but I prefer the "straight stick" over the butterfly. We also do urine tests and blood smears. I have a large fear of cutting myself while doing a blood smear (here is a you tube demo for the non-squeamish). I have remind myself that I am wearing gloves and using my own damn blood! I have some good classmates and some not so good classmates. It's funny to hear people complaining about how much homework we have or how hard the tests are. I want to tell these people that this is the medical field and we need to be informed and educated. I want to explain that we are in a competition with other students, not just at our school but other schools too. An employer is going to hire the smartest, hardest working person. But I keep my mouth shut since I am sure they have heard it all before.

There are a few grads who have yet to obtain an externship. These grads are complaining they are being looked over. They don't get it that all those missed classes, failed lab tests, non-participation and lack of completed homework assignments are hurting them.
On the TTC front...well there is no TTC news. We are not trying and I am oddly happy about that. I could not imagine having a new baby and going to school. I can't imagine how much more tired I would be going to school, work and being pregnant all at once. I still get jealous pangs and still wish it would just happen but I need to keep my feet grounded and live in the real world. I guess some things just are not meant to be and I need to deal with that. My dear LP friend made this for us facing that reality. :)

Sharks hockey isn't so hot lately but I am keeping the faith. I recently got back into scrap booking and hope to share some pages I made soon.
Scott and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. It was a bitter sweet day in that I love him and am so happy we have had 5 years together and look forward to the future. But, it was also my due date. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my little fish stick. But all in all, it was a wonderful day.

Phones are ringing off the hook so back to the grind for me. I am hoping to catch up on my blogs and get some commenting in soon.

Luck of the Irish to ya'll. Drink a green beer or at least wear some green today.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

School, work, life

So week one down and lots to go.

Let's start with tax season, week one: Already stressed, tired and sick of clients. I hate the current tax law changes and wonder what our fine governator is doing with our tax dollars. I am tired of constantly repeating myself to my co-workers and hate the tension within my office. But, it's a job and I just can't complain.

Now onto school: I have one week under by belt and so far so good. I have enjoyed my class so far and have learned alot. I am excited about a potential career change.

Life is ok. I am sitting here watching super bowl commercials. My team hasn't been in the super bowl since the 90's. I am nursing a migraine and feel like crap. I have a test to study for and I am thinking of going to work. least it will be quiet.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Guest Blogger #1

Sherry at "What a Shame About Me" is Guest Blogger #1. I am so excited she said Yes to guest blogging for me. So, withoout further ado, here is her post:

I was invited by Em to be a guest blogger. It is an honor to be asked. Thank you, Em! Coming up with something that's actually interesting for her readers that are not familiar with me is a tall order. I am not a particularly interesting person. I will give it my best shot!

My husband and I have been actively ttc since January 2006. All in all, I cannot believe we've made it through this muck four years. It's been a very trying time, as anyone who's gone through it knows. I've met some of the greatest ladies I could ever hope to meet during this time. I got to know Em on a couple of different boards. She's always been such an inspiration and strong support for me. I am very grateful for that.

I have moved three times since starting ttc. I have hoped each time that my baby would be born in the respective town. It hasn't happened yet. We moved from Oklahoma to Alabama last summer. In many ways, I like it better here, but it's hard to get used to all the tradition here. People are so set in their ways. It's reflective of the way they were brought up, and I can respect that. Pleasing these people, on the other hand, is very hard even when I do what they want, they always want something more. People. They're the worst.

Since starting ttc, I have learned a lot about myself. I've changed in many ways. I used to have a bad complexion. Once I started Metformin my face cleared up and I actually started caring about myself and how I looked. It was a confidence booster. I started taking more pride in myself and the way I looked.

If I hadn't gone through infertility, I would have been one of those people. I would have been the cocky know-it-all fertile who would gladly spout off the same idioms the obliviots tell us and that we all hate. Infertility has brought me down a few notches and also made me more cognizant of others' feelings and situations. Too bad not everyone has the same mentality. Otherwise, the world would be a much better place.

Once again, thank you Em for inviting me to be a guest blogger. It was an honor.

Guest Bloggers

Since I am starting school tonight and have mentioned before that I do taxes, I have asked a few of my fellow blogger's to guest blog for me. If you are interested, let me know. I am always open to adding some life to my blog.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Mommy Wants Vodka

It’s Interview With Aunt Becky time! Answer my questions on your own blog, grab my button, and come back, leave a comment and let me know that you did the Interview. IF you do not have a blog, feel free the interview in the comments.

1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?

*Cheese in a can should be illegal. No really...

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.

*Make them sell Sham-wow! Who really watches those commercials in the age of the tivo/dvr?

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?

*Dwayne "the rock" Johnson. No...Really...

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?

*Be a mommy...Or be a RE

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?

*Um...Shit yeah. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?

Well there is the whole mexican allen story. I can't tell you now but I will tell it soon.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

no...unless you think I am neater then I make myself out to be...

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?

I would be able to walk gracefully without tripping over my own two feet.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?

No. Not after a big steak dinner.

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?

Tattoo's. No really. Or body piercings.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Let's start off with the good:

The new year started off with a holiday get together at our house with my step-dad's family. To be honest, I was kinda worried since they are super-conservative. Why is that a problem you may ask? Well, lets start off with the pole set up in my bar area. I tend to say "but it's structural support" but lets face it, that is not very believable. Next, lets add the copious amounts of booze in their various bottles sitting out on my kitchen counter. (Let's NOT talk about why they aren't in my bar.) My step-dad's family does not drink. All in all however, it was a great night and worth the trouble to see the whole fam dam again.

Now, the Bad:

I did something, not sure what to my neck. I am tired of my current job and wish I could stay home and sleep. Ok, I don't even need to sleep but I hate coming to work everyday. Hopefully, going back to school will remedy this problem. As for my neck, I think I may need to see my chiropractor for that problem.

Finally, the Ugly:

The little green monster keeps showing up. You know the guy....Jealously. I wish I could say that I am ok watching people cycle. I wish I could say, I am so over my desire to have a child of my own but I am not. I wish that right now, I knew where my future was going and I can say that I am ok living child free but I just can't. I see babies everywhere I go and I ache to have one of my own.