Sunday, December 27, 2009

New Ink and New Year

While ttc'ing, I felt it was prudent to put off doing new things. Oh sure, I would go on vacations and what not but never made a "big life" decision. Yeah, I bought a new car and to be perfectly honest, it is not a "kid friendly" car but always told myself that if MY children destroyed MY car, that I would be ok with it. Trust me, this is going somewhere.

You see, I am one (or was one) class away from finishing my college degree. I never finished for a few reason but the reason I had the most trouble explaining was this: "it's the principle, man." See, once I got mixed up with my ex, I took the classes he took. Honestly, if it weren't for me, that jacka$$ would have never made it out of college. After about of year of business classes (and extreme discouragement from my mother*), I was only taking business courses. Now, don't get me wrong, but I did like the math and economic courses and did good in those classes. But that is not what I wanted to do when I grew up. I even started off my college career taking classes in subject matters that I was interested in and could see myself focusing on when I grew up.

*Really, that is another blog post all together and requires far more energy that I have at this time.

Anyways, I do have a point...I promise. While ttc'ing, I also researched and really considered going back to school. My thoughts always went like this: "if I go back to school now, I will get pregnant." So, I never did it...never went back to school. Four years later and I realized that I am never going to get this time back; I am not going to get any younger. I am going back to school to study what I want to study!!! I did it!!! I made a decision, I actually followed through and I am going back to school right after the new year.

Sure, it will be tough, my time will be stretched thin and I will be tired and poor as hell and I don't mind. I will be studying here, enrolled in the "Phlebotomy, EKG Technician and Lab Assistant" program. Not totally what I want to do when I grow up but close and more importantly, it will get my foot in the door in the medical field. Once there, I can study more lab techniques and possibly get into the EMT field with time.

Now, onto that new ink I mentioned. Despite the fact that I was "only" five weeks along when I miscarried my little Fishstick, it was painful. I think everyday of my baby that wasn't. I get so sad when I think about where I should be in my pregnancy. So, in remembrance of my Fishstick, I got new ink. Without further ado, here is it!

This photo was taken about 5 minutes post tattoo. My tattoo artist Pete, is not only Hungarian, world famous (at least in Europe) but kick a$$ too. Case in point, I showed him a picture that I saved to my crackberry. He glanced at it for about 10 seconds, smoked a cig and then drew out my tattoo. I knew what to expect and what I envisioned but he did much more then I anticipated. This tattoo looks 20x's better then I imagined it looking. (For the record, it still looked nice in my little mind. It's the shading that looks fucking amazing!!) I also had Pete re-pierce my belly since I had to take the ring out for one of my laps. It wasn't fully shut but nonetheless, not the best feeling to have the ring put back.
**I know this is a whale tail and not a fish (or fishstick) but I could not find a tattoo of a fish that I wanted stuck on me. When we were in Alaska, we saw some Humpback's and I felt a sense of peace. I knew, in my heart and soul that I wanted to remember my baby with a whale. I stuck with the whale tail to keep it small and simple. I have my new tattoo on my inside of my left wrist, not really hidden by my watch but in a spot that felt so right.

Friday, December 11, 2009

They Say

Who are "They?" You know the saying, "They say blah blah blah..." My question is, "Who are They?" Gary Larson, creator of the "Far Side" once drew a comic strip showing a room full of people all listening in on people's phone conversations. All the phones were labeled "They." Somehow, it doesn't sound funny when I describe it but if you were to see the comic strip, it would make you chuckle.

"They" say that more people commit suicide around the holidays and I can see why. (Don't worry, I am not falling off the deep end and planning my suicide!) Let's start with the music. Holiday music is great but I can only handle so much before I want to jam an ice pick in my ears.

And the drivers! I was walking through a parking lot to hit up Old Navy. I intentionally parked as far as possible to say my car doors from being dinged and to avoid fighting 10 cars for 1 close up spot. While walking towards the store, I saw one lady speeding through the parking lot. If she hit someone, it would be ugly. Another guy was parking spot stalking* and driving so dang slow. I would have screamed if I was in the car behind him.

Then there is the sales. How do I know if I am getting the best deal? How do I know if this is what I really want to purchase?

And please for the love of Pete Sakes don't get me started on the whole "happy holidays" vs the "Merry Christmas" debate. I won't even touch that one with a ten foot pole!

Up next? My new ink... ;)

* Parking lot stalking: the act of following a person around a parking lot hoping to get their spot in a crowded parking lot. Stalkers look for people walking away from the mall/store with shopping bags. Some stalkers even offer customers rides to their car just to get their spot. I have never done that. Never ever!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

And now for something new

I need new. A new what? I don't know, but I am tired of the doom and gloom of my blog. I used to be happy. I want to be happy I used to be.* More then anything, I want to be "me" again. I am not sure what that means since I am living in this limbo of "how do I live childless" and "what if?"**

So, how about something different. First of all, this is hopefully the last time until tax season hits full force that I am going to apologize for my lack of commenting. I read a lot of blogs...I mean a lot. And I read them daily. <--I just love my bad grammar sometimes! I just don't comment. It's not that I have no comment because usually I do. I just get lazy. Not to mention that many a nights I am reading blogs while watching hockey and tend to let the train of thought leave before I can comment. It's like a win-lose situation. There is also of course my embarrassment over my lousy ass grammar considering I graduated from college with honors in English and math. Are you serious?! I can't blog without making at least 10 typos and 100 grammar mistakes. But, back to my commenting. I am going to make an effort to comment more. I love reading so many of the blogs I read and I do feel the need to comment.

Now, how about that something new? Does anyone read this blog? Awesome blog! I actually read all the contributors blogs too and each of them are amazing. I highly recommend adding these blogs to your reading list.

*I used to be happier. I used to have a real zeal for life, even if that life was childless. It's not that I am totally unhappy but I really feel like my life is incomplete.

**Sorry to be cryptic but where there is a will there is a way. That is all I can say for now. More to come for certain (hey at least one something will cum!***) but I need to wait for details.

***Is it possible to be broke down there or use up all your O's? Are you given an allotment at birth and if you use them up in your youth, well too bad, so bad?! Weeps...