Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What is the worse...

Stealing this from Nancy...but I like the topic.

What is the worse comment you have gotten regarding your infertility and ttcing?

For me, it was "are you sure you want kids? I mean after all, they change your life and its not always for the better. Besides, if it is not happening the "old fashion" way, perhaps its a sign you're not suppose to have kids, right? But if you really want kids, I will give you one of mine." Yikes! This from a person who is related to me...a person who I would support if they were in my shoes.

I have got quite a few actually. I have a few IRL friends who just don't understand *why* I would want kids. I have got the whole "but, your baby daddy is so much older then you!" (OMG! You kidding me...I never realized he was "so much" older then me!!)

I have heard "but, you are not even married. Maybe that's why you are having trouble." (Uh yeah...then please explain to unwed teen pregnancies to me.)

And my personal favorite is "maybe Scott really doesn't want kids and some higher power knows this so fate is intervening and you will never get pregnant." OUCH! (Yes, I am forcing my boyfriend to have large amounts of unprotected intercourse with me...poor guy!)

I once had a PA tell me "you don't understand what kind of miracle pregnancy's not going to happen overnight." (No shit!) This PA was very pregnant and had performed a few of my IUI's.

Ok, enough of my comments. What is the worse you have got?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

See, there's this thing

See, there is thing that is always going to be there. And this thing can affect ttcing. And well, maybe life in general. But, if I say no, "don't do this thing" it will create anger and resentment. But, if I say yes, "do it" it can and may further affect our chances of actually having a baby. It's a lose-lose situation. Now, I don't mind this thing...I will even participate in this thing on some occasions. (Don't get me started on how pissed I get when he does this thing when we have dss!!) So fast forward to now. I knew about this thing way before we became a couple and to be honest it didn't bother me. But that is before I wanted kids.

I know that I can't change this situation any but I wish there was an obvious solution. Its so very easy from him to say it really won't affect our chances. Ultimately at the end, there can be no regrets on his part, if we never succeed if achieving a healthy pregnancy. There will be no loss on his part other then to say "I am sorry that I could not make you happy." If we were to part tomorrow, he would not actively look for a partner to ttc. Of course, I would and that could open a big, ugly can of worms. EWWW!

After typing all this out, I have gone from feeling guilty due to asking him to avoid this thing to feeling guilty for wanting kids (or at least a child of my own). I knew from the get go that I could never change him, and I didn't want to. I guess it's me who changed. Now I feel even worse since I changed who I am and he didn't fall in love with this me. Sigh! What a conundrum!

Post Lap Post

I finally had my post lap doctor visit. Let me start off by saying that I love my doctor and his staff. The doctor inspected my incisions and then reviewed the lap photos with me. I got to clearly see my uterus, ovaries, tubes, bladder and liver. I had a lot of scar tissue behind my uterus. There were some "lesions" around my bladder too. He did not want to call it endo since there was so little of it but decided to remove all the bad looking stuff. My uterus is fine, albeit slightly retroverted. My right ovary had lots of scar tissue around it and it was stuck up and behind the tube. He removed all of the scar tissue and my ovary popped right back into place. The left ovary was somewhat enlarged and it appeared that ovulation took place within a small time frame. He did not want to say I already ovulated or that I was about to ovulate. Again, there was lots of scar tissue to be removed but the left ovary appeared to be less stuck in place. But, on the left side, there was a lot of scar tissue under the left ovary. Then, the doctor put a dye through the tubes. They appeared to be open and the dye flowed freely. That's a great sign. So now that my girly parts are all nice and clean, I can resume ttcing. I think however I will take another month off since I am hoping to lose a few pounds.

My last major concern was the healing process. See, I have a tendency to get infections. The doctor order two swabs before the surgery. The first was of my nose and the second was of my navel. I seem to have an over-abundance of staph on my skin. We all have staph on us but some us have more then others. My first lap ended with a 3 month staph infection so we decided to be proactive now. I am too keep the incision covered during the day with a nice coating of antibacterial cream and a bandaid. At night, I will put a hot compress on the incision to draw out any yuckies from it and then let the incision get some air.

My goal before our November Mexico cruise is to make appointments for a few different RE Clinics. I want to make sure that I like the clinic and feel that all my questions get answered before we switch insurance and start ivf. I would love to start stimming in January 2009 but I am just not sure that is even an option.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

New Pet Peeve

Is it just me? I was at a party this weekend and saw a lady, who appeared to be in her late 40's. She was wearing a short skirts and a tiny top. Now, let me go on to explain that her shirt was a like purple and her tiny top was hot pink. I am not sure why it bothers me so but she looked like she was trying to dress like a 12 year old girl. Her skirt was probally one size too small and her top was about 3 sizes too small. I am no fashion expert here but it looked bad. I mean, very bad. It just kills me to see middle-aged and older women trying to dress like a teenager. It's just not attractive!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Another Fun Thailand Fact

Due to the extreme humidity in Thailand, it wasn't unusual to go to a resurant and see rice in the salt and pepper shakers. This was to keep the salt and pepper from clumping. Scott made eggs the other morning for breakfast and I had to eat mine "Thailand" style. As I was putting salt and pepper on my egg, I laughed and said "at least there are not rice kernels in the salt and pepper!" LOL!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Did I mention the stork?!

While visiting the Pattaya Croc Farm, we walked through an area that had cages with different birds in them. Sure enough, there was a stork. Everytime I would approach it's cage, the dang stork would run to another side of the cage. Go figure! It was avoiding me. Of course, the stork posed quite nicely for Scott. If I still believed that babies were delivered by a stork I would take it as a bad sign. LOL!

I have scheduled my lap and now I am trying to get records from my first lap. I am hoping that I will have a quick recovery time since I am having it in the middle of the week. Last year, I had it on a thursday and had the whole weekend to recoup.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Lil' bit of Sharks news

The San Jose Sharks signed Ryane Clowe to a one year deal! Ryane Clowe is an excellent skater and excellent hockey player. Now if only the hockey season would start. Here is a picture of me and Ryane Clowe at a Sharks Charity event. And for grins and giggles, a picture of Marc-Edouard Vlasic (aka Pickles) and me.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Vacation long last!

Thailand was awesome! The food was delicious, the people were great. I can only describe my vacation with positive adjectives. We stayed in Pattaya, near Jomtien Beach.

The flight on the other hand was long. I mean long! We got to SFO at 9am on Friday morning. Now, when you fly to Thailand, you cross the international date line and lose a day. We got to our hotel on Sunday at 11:30 at night. Man, what a long day. (Should I mention that we had a layover and plane change in Bejing?!) Sure, we snoozed on the plane but nothing beats sleep in a bed, where you can stretch your legs and get comfy. We got up bright and early the next day and ate breakfast. At our hotel, you can have your eggs any way you want as long as its over easy or sunny side up. I couldn't complain because in all honesty, the breakfast wasn't bad. We took a long walk and finally hoped a baht bus to Hard Rock Cafe. For dinner, our new friends Phil and Dang took us to a cool little restaurant called Cabbages and Condoms. You can check out our pictures here and here.

We spent the week doing typical tourist stuff and visited Nong Nooch Gardens, Pattaya Croc Farm and the Temple of Truth. At the Pattaya Croc Farm, I got to hold a baby tiger and take a picture with momma tiger. Very Cool!!! Again, the links for pictures are here, here and here. This was truly a wonderful experience since we got a chance to ride an elephant! The Thai people are very relaxed and have the "safety is your own responsibility" attitude.

We also did a few "non-tourist" activities. Phil took us to a little fishing park. The Thai people would bait the hooks and cast the line and bring you beer. Basically all you had to do was reel the fish in and then release it. Lather, rinse, repeat! We caught some bigguns' too! We also went to Pattaya Go Kart, Paintball and Bungee Jump park. We all got to race go karts! These little cars are so much faster then any go kart here. They were scary fast! Phil's 2 co-workers joined us and we had a friendly paintball game. Team Sharks (Scott, DSS and I) kicked butt of course and some of us walked away with a few bruises. Team Gulf Charters were good natured and we all had a good laugh. I also decided to fulfill a life long dream of mine and bungee jump!!! I still can't believe I did it but it was totally awesome. I am not sure that is even a good enough description. I loved it. 60 meters of free fall (about 200 feet) and I flashed the park (good thing I wore a bra that day!) and wow! Soon, I will link the video Scott took of my daring jump. If you have ever considered doing it, then do it!

We also visited "Walking street", which I can only describe as a 24-7 party that puts Madi Gras to shame. We were joined by Ron and Lloyd who are Scott's co-workers. Ron brought us out to Thailand to introduce to his charter business, Gulf Charter Thailand.

At the end of the week, we went sailing down to KoChang and KoMak, which was quiet an experience. Those who know me know that I get motion sickness just saying the words. :( I used a motion sickness patch that worked pretty good and avoided chumming. Ron's wonderful wife Ratmanee cooked us delicious Thai food and we got to enjoy a day on the water.

On our last day in Thailand, we went to the worlds largest jewelery store! You were prohibited to take pictures but believe me when I say it was a very shinny store.

Did I mention that I shopped? Oh yes, I bought shoes and clothes. Very cheap...very cute...and very fun! DSS and I also took a trip to the Believe or not museum.

The plane ride home was long. Very long. We flew to Sidney and changed planes then to SFO. The last two hours of the plane ride, I wanted to get out and swim home. We made it though. This trip was truly an experience of a lifetime and I am already looking forward to going back. In Thailand, people drink their beer with ice, lime and a splash of 7-Up. I already miss drinking my beer that way. I was told there are 4 times in Thailand: morning, afternoon, evening and night. I find myself wishing I was still on that schedule. Despite that we ate Thai food everyday, I miss it and crave it. But, it's good to be home.