Fathers day

I woke up this morning convinced that fathers day would be 100 times easier on me then mother's day. I mean, afterall, I will never be a father. But then we went to breakfast. I was sad. I see Scott with his son and how much he loves him. His face lights up when his son is with us. I wanted to see him with our child.

I have been feeling rather desperate lately. I feel like I will never become a mother; that IVF is too far out of my reach. What if my eggs are just to bad. Sometimes I sneak off to the ladies room and cry. I can't help it. I just start to panic and then I can't breathe. The flood of tears follows and I can't control them.