I love my life...I really do. But, to say I have no complaints would be a lie. Of course a small reason why don't complain is because I just live here. Here, meaning Scott's house. I don't contribute beyond keeping some of the house clean, some cooking and some grocery shopping. I don't pay rent (or the mortgage) or any bills. So I know that I should just thank my lucky stars that I have someone who loves me enough to let me live with him and be his leach kept women.
But I am really tired of people staying here. I know that it could be so much worse but I am tired of it. I am tired of constantly cleaning yucky men toilets. I am tired of just cleaning up after people since most people just don't live up to my standards of clean. I am tired of feeling like I always have to be on my best behavior and in entertain mode. The coming, the going, the perpetual sheet changing, towel washing, finger print wiping is wearing me out. And then there is the noise...the constant loudness. I know some of it is me...I love silence. I love silence or even quiet back ground noise when I come home from work. I love complete silence when I sleep. First thing in the morning is not the time of day to assault my poor ears with your loudness. I am tired of having to plan dinner around some one elses work. I am tired of the constant going out, this party, that music listening event, so on and so forth. More importantly, I am tired of having nothing in common with the people who come and go and come and go.
Normally I am not so passive aggressive but what choice, other then moving, do I have? It's not my house. I don't want to leave (and when I say leave, I do NOT mean sever the relationship) but I do want some alone time. I want family time that does not include extended family. I want one on one time without wondering when someone will be walking into the front door. I can't sleep without Scott by side.
I am a middle child and I am very used to being alone. I love having my space and don't feel like sharing. But I do hate being informed that Soandso is coming into town and while Soandso is here, we will go out to dinner this day, this party that night and what not. Don't I get a say? I don't want to go out to dinner and invite this group of people. It's the middle of the week of the love of Pete's sake...can't we just go eat and call it a night? I am tired of the constant being on top of my toes and visiting and laughing and listening to conversations that I don't understand. I am too young to for this. I don't listen to the same music, watch the same shows or read the same stuff.
Did I mention that I am tired? I AM TIRED! I want to get to bed at a decent hour. I want to get a full nights sleep. I want to do the thing that adults do in bed together and not have to worry about the noise factor. I want to wake up refreshed so that when I go work out I can keep up with my plan. I think I am actually going backwards in my tone up, trim down plan. Boy...this paragraph included some TMI!
Ok, this is my rant and I am sticking with it. I don't have a quick fix for my at home passive aggressive self and I don't think there is one. I suppose a quick answer (solution?) would be then leave (as in move). One of the things that makes Scott and I work so well is that I really do rely on him to be the planner, the take charge and take care of me kind of guy. I do want to live here with Scott and I don't want to leave (or move). I guess I need to find my voice and speak up. I know that Scott would understand...I think?
Next blog...the reconnecting of two childhood friends. Stay tuned.
But I am really tired of people staying here. I know that it could be so much worse but I am tired of it. I am tired of constantly cleaning yucky men toilets. I am tired of just cleaning up after people since most people just don't live up to my standards of clean. I am tired of feeling like I always have to be on my best behavior and in entertain mode. The coming, the going, the perpetual sheet changing, towel washing, finger print wiping is wearing me out. And then there is the noise...the constant loudness. I know some of it is me...I love silence. I love silence or even quiet back ground noise when I come home from work. I love complete silence when I sleep. First thing in the morning is not the time of day to assault my poor ears with your loudness. I am tired of having to plan dinner around some one elses work. I am tired of the constant going out, this party, that music listening event, so on and so forth. More importantly, I am tired of having nothing in common with the people who come and go and come and go.
Normally I am not so passive aggressive but what choice, other then moving, do I have? It's not my house. I don't want to leave (and when I say leave, I do NOT mean sever the relationship) but I do want some alone time. I want family time that does not include extended family. I want one on one time without wondering when someone will be walking into the front door. I can't sleep without Scott by side.
I am a middle child and I am very used to being alone. I love having my space and don't feel like sharing. But I do hate being informed that Soandso is coming into town and while Soandso is here, we will go out to dinner this day, this party that night and what not. Don't I get a say? I don't want to go out to dinner and invite this group of people. It's the middle of the week of the love of Pete's sake...can't we just go eat and call it a night? I am tired of the constant being on top of my toes and visiting and laughing and listening to conversations that I don't understand. I am too young to for this. I don't listen to the same music, watch the same shows or read the same stuff.
Did I mention that I am tired? I AM TIRED! I want to get to bed at a decent hour. I want to get a full nights sleep. I want to do the thing that adults do in bed together and not have to worry about the noise factor. I want to wake up refreshed so that when I go work out I can keep up with my plan. I think I am actually going backwards in my tone up, trim down plan. Boy...this paragraph included some TMI!
Ok, this is my rant and I am sticking with it. I don't have a quick fix for my at home passive aggressive self and I don't think there is one. I suppose a quick answer (solution?) would be then leave (as in move). One of the things that makes Scott and I work so well is that I really do rely on him to be the planner, the take charge and take care of me kind of guy. I do want to live here with Scott and I don't want to leave (or move). I guess I need to find my voice and speak up. I know that Scott would understand...I think?
Next blog...the reconnecting of two childhood friends. Stay tuned.
1 comment:
I would talk to him. You are one half of the relationship and just because you are not paying the bills, doesn't mean you have no say. By having you move in with him, he basically gave you a significant part of his life and should expect some compromise.
Also, i know this is hard to do, but if you don't feel like going out or going with, then don't.
Scott will understand that you need quiet alone time. I almost never go with K- when friends are having a weekend thing. Having him leave town and leaving me here is the only way for me to really unwind and have some 100% me time.
NONE of his friends understand it, but K- does and that is all that is important.
Living with someone does not mean you have to like or do all the stuff they do.
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