I was going to blog about how much it hurts to read pregnancy blogs and blogs about people doing ART of sorts. For the laymen, ART stands for "Assisted Reproduction Technology." I am truly thrilled for my IF friends who are still trying and for those who are now pregnant. But, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I am jealous of those who have this great health coverage and can get IVF for a fraction of the cost. I am jealous of those who have an asset to borrow against to pay for IVF.
But then I logged onto lounge place. One of my fellow Ifer's who conceived through IVF was having some streaking/ spotting. Then, more bad news. She found out her baby boy was gone. I was in shock when I found out. Tears started to burn my eyes. She was due in 30 days. Her baby was ok, then he was dead. How could this happen? Why did fate/karma/god (pick your choice) do this to her? She was so close. I have checked a few times more for updates but nothing yet. I keep holding out hope that its some kind of mistake and she will give birth to a live, crying and healthy baby.
I know the risks associated with ART. I know that nothing is guaranteed and that a pregnancy does not equal a baby. I know that giving birth does not equal a live baby or healthy baby either. I know I am running out of hope that I can be called a mom.
This is a jumbled mess and I apologize to any readers. But I am sad and angry. I am running through a whole gamut of emotions today.
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