2 Day Transfer

Transferred in 4 zygotes. I had a 2 celled with 2% fragmention, grade Z3. I have a 3 celled with 5% frag., graded Z2 (doc thinks this is the best). I had 2 four celled both with less then 5% frag. Only one was graded at a Z3. The Z is the grading stands for zygote and all 2 days are graded by my clinic this way. Z1 is the best and he said they see those less then once per month. Most pregnancies for my clinic occur with Z2 and Z3. The ungraded 4 cell I had the egg was slightly misshapen but can still lead to a normal pregnancy and healthy baby. I have about 7% chance of triplets or higher. They did assisted hatching on 2 of the 4 embies.

Boy, that's cut and dry. But that's how I feel right now. My heart just hurts that this is my last chance, my hail Mary if you will.

What I am about to write next is something that I can't even bring myself to say out loud. This may offend some people and for that I am sorry.

This cycle has me completely questioning my faith in God. My God. I am not religious per say but I do believe in God. I do believe that I need to have faith in God. As with every cycle, I prayed. Please God, let this cycle be easy, let me get enough eggs and find that perfect egg that will be my baby. Please God, I am not being greedy and asking for more then one baby. With that said, this cycle started off great. I had (for me) a record high antral follicle count. I stimmed perfectly and my E2 rose as it should. My lining was nice and thick, "triple lining." My follies grew evenly and everything appeared to be in order. Even my RE was expecting at least 10 to 12 eggs from me. Again, a record. I thought my prayers had been answered. Imagine our surprise when he (the RE) comes back into the room post ER and tells me there was not a single egg from my right ovary. This is usually my lazy ovary and surprised us by having 9 follicles. Not one egg came from those 9 follicles. WTF?! My left ovary had 6 follies, which for me is average and produced 6 eggs. I needed those 6 eggs to be perfect. After bursting into tears, I said a small mental prayer (not the first for this cycle). Please God, I prayed, let those 6 eggs be good ones. Let them all fertilize. So, when my RE called me one day post ER, I knew it was bad news. Sure enough, the eggs weren't great. One was totally abnormal. One was misshapen. One was immature and allowed two sperm to fertilize it. More WTF?!?! I was saddened beyond words to hear that I was now scheduled for a 2 day transfer.

Once again, I prayed. Please God, by day 2 let the embies be perfect. I promise to put them all back in me and take my chances if you let them all be perfect. I guess, I should hope that the embies I put back into me are perfect. I don't know. All I know is that my faith is shaken and that scares me more then I can put into words.

Once more, I pray, Please God, let this cycle work. Give me my turn. I just want one healthy baby to raise and love. I don't care if I have a boy or a girl. Please don't shake my faith more then it already is shaken. I just don't know if I can handle that. I just don't know if I can handle another failure. I just don't know that I am willing to make another sacrifice and live child free. I am afraid of who or what I will turn into if this cycle fails. Please God, let me have my chance to be a mommy.