and I feel fine. No, actually I don't feel fine. I am not even close to feeling fine. I never thought this IVF was going to fail. I don't just mean fail but really tanked. It wasn't supposed to happen like that...this cycle was supposed to work damn it! Now what?!
I have to admit that I am putting on quite the show. I don't think that even once any outsider has noticed that I am truly dying inside. The tears have stopped falling...at least in front of people. I appears to be "over it" and "ready to move on." But inside, right under the surface I feel like I am stuck in a dark place, waiting for the earth to open up and swallow me whole.
I am trying to figure out the answer to "what's next?" I know I want a career change in a big way. I know that I will never worry about birth control or having sex at the right time. I am even wondering if I am going to keep track of my period these days. I never kept track before...my body always gave me enough warning. So....what's next?
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10 comments:
((HUGE HUGS))
I am very sorry this cycle failed you. YOU did not fail. IT failed. I hope you can find some relief, if only for a little while. You don't deserve this pain.
I am here anytime.
Really big shitty sucky monkey balls. I'm so sorry hon. Please keep updating us with the way your path goes. Going to school helped me a lot last year. It gave me purpose and made me proud of ME for the first time in a while. I hope you can find a little of that, and I know I'd love to read about your choices.
Support is always here in the blogging.
xoxo
You definitely don't deserve this. But you are entitled to grieve for as long as you need to. I wish I knew what your future holds and can only hope that at some point you will not hurt as much as you do right now.
I'm so sorry. IVF failing feels like the worst failure because it's supposed to work. It's the big guns. I hope you take the time you need to grieve and that eventually it hurts less than it does now. Sending you many hugs.
Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry! I wish wish wish IVF could have provided you with your miracle. You know what they say about wishes - wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up first. Too bad wishes aren't concrete. It's so hard to feel so much in your heart, in your soul, and not be able to grasp it and hand it over to someone.
This sucks. You know me, I don't sugar coat things. It sucks big-time. I was really thinking it would work for you, too! I was calculating your due date, thinking of gifts to buy, thinking of your shower...
I'm grieving with you. (((hugs)))
((((HUGS)))))
I don't even know what to say luv. ((HUGS))
((hugs))
Fuck.
If you need to let it out, then do it. No need for the show of being ok. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.
I can relate to all of this just don't give up!
check this out
www.wishtobeamommy.com
I'm so very sorry hun. So sorry.
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