This will be a post that I right over several days...at least I think.

The big day is approaching...the day that my ticker will change to one year. So not cool. I secretly think that...uh, thought that I was a mom by now. Ok, that wasn't really a secret.

I keep having this nightmare. I am in labor and I am 19 weeks along and I know my baby will die. No one believes me when I say that we have to do something. Everyone around me (including Scott) acts like they have something better to do. I try to put my baby back inside me and cross my legs but it doesn't work.

Since discovering my food allergies...and avoiding those foods, I have noticed this constant rash on my skin is slowly starting to go away. :) Sweet!

On the school front, well...its just there. I mean, I like what I am learning but the days aren't getting any shorter. Everyday I am just beat when I get home. Most nights I fall asleep right when my head hits the pillow so the nights that the ol' insomnia kicks in suck. I am also having such a hard time getting out of bed each morning which sucks big hairy monkey balls. I need, badly, to get back to the gym. My whole body just hurts from the complete lack of activity and my diet is just horrendous right now. Throw in some PMS and a sweet craving and my waist line is not happy.

I find myself being more open with infertility then ever. If asked, I explain why I can't have kids. When I get the usual "ass-vice" I shoot them down and let the "ass-vice" giver know why their "ass-vice" is wrong and why what they say hurts me. For example, I get a lot of "maybe you are just stressed out." My response is usually, "no, infertility is stressful but I am no more stressed out the the average jane doe. As a matter of fact, I am less stressed until people say to me that I am too stressed out." It takes people back but I feel like ignorance is just no excuse for one to be a dumb ass. My other favorite is "just relax, it will happen." This usually gets me beyond mad and my usual response is, "I can relax until I fall into a coma but with my bed eggs and massive scar tissue it is just not going to help." The bad eggs part usually makes people ask, "but how do you know they are?" I love this one! "My FSH is well over 7 and my E2 is usually over 50. When we did IVF, my embryos did not multiply properly, which is another sign of bad eggs. Of course, my antral follicle count is practically non-existent." The moron on the other end usually gets the "OMG, my head is about to explode" look on their face and then stammers something like, "well, you never know." Nice...

Ok, I was wrong! I was able to type up this entire blog post during my computer lab aka facebook time. The goal of computer lab is to make sure all students can type 35 wpm by the time they leave here. I think my classmates can but we are still required to be here. Blah!