To quote Madonna:
"Don't tell me to stop;
Tell the rain not to drop;
Tell the wind not to blow';
Cause you said so, mmm;
Tell the sun not to shine;
Not to get up this time, no, no;
Let it fall by the way;
But don't leave me where I lay down"
I was telling our "house guest"* about my IF troubles and the extreme sadness I am feeling due to failing my Lupron Challenge Test. I know those who have never suffered from infertility think they are being helpful (although some non-if'ers are just assholes) when they say things like don't worry, don't stress, it will happen. I hate being told that if it was meant to be then I wouldn't be having troubles. Anyways, Mr. House Guest told to "get over it." He said that I am probably not meant to have kids. Now, usually this would cause me to say foul words but I am giving this guy a small pass. He is man and can't really empathize with someone who is not his significant other. But I was mad.
I don't have to "get over it" or "stop being sad" about MY infertility. It is MINE and I can be sad about it all I want. I have the right to ask people in MY home to refrain from talking about babies and pregnancy; I have the right to say "NO" to watching movies with titles like "Knocked Up." Don't tell me to stop and "deal with it." I am dealing with it...just not the way you want me to be dealing with it. I don't want your advise...I was some understanding. I want someone to tell me they don't understand my pain per say but they understand this is painful for ME.
DON'T TELL ME TO STOP CRYING ABOUT IT!!! They are MY tears and I can shed them over MY infertility anytime I want to. I admit, I am having trouble knowing there could be an egg maturity issue, egg quality issue or even a diminished ovarian reserve issue. I don't even want to think about donor eggs.
I want to tell people "YOU DEAL WITH IT!" Deal with my sadness, my tears, my endless research and my inability to deal with conversations or movies that are baby related. MY infertility is more important to me then YOUR inability to understand my pain. DEAL WITH IT!
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4 comments:
I hate the "get over it" response.
"Um, ok I 'll do that. OK, I'm done, all better now."
As if it is that easy. When something irrevocably changes you and colors everything you experience from here on out, it is not a case of dealing with it. Instead we must learn to live with it, live side by side with this part of us. This happens to most people who go through something big, whether it be a divorce, cancer, losing a loved one, an accident, an illness, etc.
To just "get over it" means you would also have to give up part of YOU and that will just not do.
I am sorry you not only have to deal(haha) with an annoying house guest, but also have to listen to his annoying 'advice'.
You go!
What a frickin' asshole!!!! Would he have told you to get over it if you had lost the use of your legs with very little chance of ever walking again? You have every right in the world to all your emotions. Infertility can shred a woman's life apart - it shattered mine in all ways. You should be safe in your home. Hopefully this numbnuts is gone - good riddance!
heavy post. and one that anyone who has walked the IF road understands very well.
"I hate being told that if it was meant to be then I wouldn't be having troubles."
this is the number one most BULLSHIT thing you can say to someone. seriously. just reading it makes me want to gouge my eyes out.
i agree 100% with everything that you have written here. this IS your infertility. no one can, or should, tell you how to feel. NO ONE, not even your life partner. as my old therapist said over and over, you are entitled to your feelings, whatever they may be. and she is so right. you need to feel what you feel because otherwise you will not be able to figure out how to deal with those feelings. keep trying to shove them away and you are stunting your existence and growth as a human being.
i am so very sorry about the lupron challenge test.
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