National Infertility Awareness Week

April 24 - May 1st is National Infertility Awareness Week. As you play with your kids today, or tuck them into bed tonight, please take a minute to empathize with the millions of couples out there struggling to achieve what you have.

I confess

I confess that sometimes I open my blog just to see my ticker box.

I confess that sometimes I think about what should have been. Would my baby look like me? Would my baby be a cuddle bug?

I confess that sometimes I get pangs of jealously when I hear about other people's pregnancies or birth announcements.

I confess that some women who have children of their own make me want to kick them in the teeth when I hear just how horrible they are at mothering.

I confess that I sometimes am so very happy I never had kids of my own and I can pack up and go to Vegas without worrying about having to find a sitter.

I confess that all the conflicting emotions cause gas.

I confess that last sentence was TMI.

I confess that I want a new tattoo.

I confess that I secretly fantasize about never having to work ever again.

Hand Draws, Syringes and Big Girl Panties

Just a drive by post to pat myself on the back for wearing my big girl panties this week, while home alone. :P

I did my first hand draw this week. I was somewhat nervous but did just fine. The guy who "forced me"* to draw him claimed it was painless and our new instructor said I did great.

I also did my first syringe draw this week. I have been drawn once or twice with a syringe but got to try it out. It hurts a little more as they needles are quite sharp but really effective for veins that collapse.

I can't believe how much I have learned. I have got to run ESR's and learned uses for different tubes.

This past week, our new instructor let me do a butterfly** on him and I was finally successful! I have missed even the biggest, juiciest veins with the butterfly's but can seem to hit them with a straight stick every time.

*Fellow student didn't really force me but made me very aware that I need to get my hand draws in while I can. He claimed he owed me for doing his taxes.

**The butterfly method of drawing is also called the lazy man's method. It is supposed to be easier but for whatever reason, I just can't seem to get the hang of it.

I need to add that I am so proud of my 4.0 too!

I just got off the phone with a client. He wanted to know if the cost of IVF was deductible. I talked to him about it some and found out we used the same clinic. It is a small world after all!

All of a sudden, I feel my age

Lately, after I have been sitting for some time (5 minutes to 1 hour, makes no difference), my left knee hurts. It hurts to put pressure on it, hurts to bend it, and hurts to straighten it. After a few hobbling steps, I can walk without a limp and only minor pain. Surely this is a sign that arthritis has invaded this knee. :(

After wearing heels for a day at work (read: sitting at a desk) my feet hurt! I mean seriously, they are in major pain. I feel like I still have my heels on. Granted, I wasn't wearing my most comfortable heels yesterday but they aren't too bad.

My back...oh my aching back. Accountants seem to get the "accountants hump." It is what happens When you sit in front of a computer all day with your neck pushed forward, leaving your upper back and in between your shoulder blades is pain. Add in sleeping all twisted up and you get extra sore.

I don't sleep well when I am stressed out and the more tired I am, the more stressed I am. It's a viscous circle, I tell ya.

Put stressed plus achy knee plus sore feet plus screaming back pain plus sheer exhaustion together and what do you get? A person who feels their age!

Ok, that is my whine for the day.

It's only been 100 years or so!

Life has been busy...and hectic!

Tax season is again in full swing and I am going to school full time. Needless to say, I am tired. But I am also at a point where I hate my job. I hate the stress, the constant phone calls, the "I want it now!" attitude from clients and the complete lack of satisfaction I get from doing this job. In a nutshell: I am burnt out!

School is great. We start drawing blood from each other right from the start. I have about 1 stick a day which is a good start. I have missed a few veins here and there but need to remind myself it will happen in the real world too. There are many different methods of drawing blood but I prefer the "straight stick" over the butterfly. We also do urine tests and blood smears. I have a large fear of cutting myself while doing a blood smear (here is a you tube demo for the non-squeamish). I have remind myself that I am wearing gloves and using my own damn blood! I have some good classmates and some not so good classmates. It's funny to hear people complaining about how much homework we have or how hard the tests are. I want to tell these people that this is the medical field and we need to be informed and educated. I want to explain that we are in a competition with other students, not just at our school but other schools too. An employer is going to hire the smartest, hardest working person. But I keep my mouth shut since I am sure they have heard it all before.

There are a few grads who have yet to obtain an externship. These grads are complaining they are being looked over. They don't get it that all those missed classes, failed lab tests, non-participation and lack of completed homework assignments are hurting them.

On the TTC front...well there is no TTC news. We are not trying and I am oddly happy about that. I could not imagine having a new baby and going to school. I can't imagine how much more tired I would be going to school, work and being pregnant all at once. I still get jealous pangs and still wish it would just happen but I need to keep my feet grounded and live in the real world. I guess some things just are not meant to be and I need to deal with that. My dear LP friend made this for us facing that reality. :)

Sharks hockey isn't so hot lately but I am keeping the faith. I recently got back into scrap booking and hope to share some pages I made soon.

Scott and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. It was a bitter sweet day in that I love him and am so happy we have had 5 years together and look forward to the future. But, it was also my due date. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my little fish stick. But all in all, it was a wonderful day.

Phones are ringing off the hook so back to the grind for me. I am hoping to catch up on my blogs and get some commenting in soon.

Luck of the Irish to ya'll. Drink a green beer or at least wear some green today.

School, work, life

So week one down and lots to go.

Let's start with tax season, week one: Already stressed, tired and sick of clients. I hate the current tax law changes and wonder what our fine governator is doing with our tax dollars. I am tired of constantly repeating myself to my co-workers and hate the tension within my office. But, it's a job and I just can't complain.

Now onto school: I have one week under by belt and so far so good. I have enjoyed my class so far and have learned alot. I am excited about a potential career change.

Life is ok. I am sitting here watching super bowl commercials. My team hasn't been in the super bowl since the 90's. I am nursing a migraine and feel like crap. I have a test to study for and I am thinking of going to work. Ah...at least it will be quiet.

Guest Blogger #1

Sherry at "What a Shame About Me" is Guest Blogger #1. I am so excited she said Yes to guest blogging for me. So, withoout further ado, here is her post:

I was invited by Em to be a guest blogger. It is an honor to be asked. Thank you, Em! Coming up with something that's actually interesting for her readers that are not familiar with me is a tall order. I am not a particularly interesting person. I will give it my best shot!

My husband and I have been actively ttc since January 2006. All in all, I cannot believe we've made it through this muck four years. It's been a very trying time, as anyone who's gone through it knows. I've met some of the greatest ladies I could ever hope to meet during this time. I got to know Em on a couple of different boards. She's always been such an inspiration and strong support for me. I am very grateful for that.

I have moved three times since starting ttc. I have hoped each time that my baby would be born in the respective town. It hasn't happened yet. We moved from Oklahoma to Alabama last summer. In many ways, I like it better here, but it's hard to get used to all the tradition here. People are so set in their ways. It's reflective of the way they were brought up, and I can respect that. Pleasing these people, on the other hand, is very hard even when I do what they want, they always want something more. People. They're the worst.

Since starting ttc, I have learned a lot about myself. I've changed in many ways. I used to have a bad complexion. Once I started Metformin my face cleared up and I actually started caring about myself and how I looked. It was a confidence booster. I started taking more pride in myself and the way I looked.

If I hadn't gone through infertility, I would have been one of those people. I would have been the cocky know-it-all fertile who would gladly spout off the same idioms the obliviots tell us and that we all hate. Infertility has brought me down a few notches and also made me more cognizant of others' feelings and situations. Too bad not everyone has the same mentality. Otherwise, the world would be a much better place.

Once again, thank you Em for inviting me to be a guest blogger. It was an honor.